remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your cock deserves a montage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize