I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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