Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize