i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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