i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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