then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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