Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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