woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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