i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize