i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize