Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Come on in and take your pants off
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