so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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