Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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