Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize