I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize