Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize