So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
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IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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