i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize