it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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