I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize