I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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