Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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