I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize