Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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