so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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