the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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