after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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