I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize