Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize