i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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