his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We're too hungover to prance.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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