someone threw a dead crab at me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize