Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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