the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize