Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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