life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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