Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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