she woke up with a sticky ear
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize