I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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