I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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