Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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