Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize