My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize