got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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