Porn is love you can see.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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