for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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