sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize