Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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