nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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