If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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